There may be many reasons that you want to break up with someone you live with. You could have a change of heart about premarital cohabitation. You could feel smothered and desire to reclaim your space. Alternatively, you may feel as though you and your partner may just be incompatible. No matter what reason you have for the desired separation, you have to handle it with tact and compassion. No one in the world actually welcomes rejection, but you can lessen the blow if you do it like this:
Make Sure You’ve Exhausted All Other Options
Some relationships are special, and they are worth fighting for even if it takes a little effort from both of you. Personal differences, poor petty habits, and slightly odd behaviors may be overlooked or smoothed over. Religious standards, dysfunctional relationship dynamics, and fundamental personality differences may not be so easily smoothed over. Make sure you are not throwing in the towel prematurely. Think about the stretch of the relationship in depth. If staying in it would hurt you more than it would help you, then you have your answer.
Seek Advice and Input from Supportive Folks
Sometimes it is beneficial to get an objective point of view from other people. You can speak to a neutral mutual friend, an objective family member, a counselor, a pastor or a random stranger. All such people can give you advice from an outsider’s standpoint. You may find that your relationship looks quite different to other people than it does to you. For example, you may think you have a fairy-tale relationship, but the people on the outside may think you have a froggy courtship at best.
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Rehearse a Tactful Delivery in the Mirror
Never do a spontaneous break up with someone you live with. Rehearse it. Look at yourself in the mirror and imagine what you would feel like if someone was saying those words to you. Use that as a guide in handling your breakup talk. Make sure that you carry yourself with tact. A tactful delivery is one that excludes profanity, demeaning words, and snide remarks. A breakup is already an emotionally draining experience. You don’t want to add more to it by being cruel, do you? Hopefully not.
Be Not-So-Brutally Honest
It is important, to be honest with a person about why you feel the relationship can go no further. Some of the top reasons that people break up are:
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Unmet needs
Infidelity
Dishonesty
Stagnancy
Religious differences
Abuse
Incompatibility
Power struggles
Various Irreconcilable differences
Loss of interest
Don’t use the cliche “It’s not you; it’s me” if it is him or her. Explain your reason for breaking up with the person you live with, but do it in a compassionate manner. That can be easier said than done in a situation in which you believe the other person is abusing you, but try. Start by telling the person some of the things that you liked about him or her. That will help neutralize the tension unless of course, you mention that you like or miss a derogatory “quality.” Please, don’t do that.
Don’t Do It at a Chaotic Time
Select a quiet time after your mate has wound down after work. Do it over coffee, tea or wine. Make sure no one else is around when you have this discussion.
Allow Him or Her to Speak
Give the other person the chance to respond to your desire to end the relationship. Allow the person a few rebuttals, and then calmly let him or her know whether you can work it out some way and you want to break up.
Be Firm with Your Final Answer
Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay. Don’t waver. Wavering is dangerous as it sends mixed messages. Your goal is to initiate a clean break with as little damage as possible.
You should have a non-stressful breakup talk if you use the previously mentioned tips. You will not be able to avoid some level of hurt from occurring, but it doesn’t have to be brutal.
