What Happened When She Quit Talking About Her Love Life for 1 Month & Why You Should Do The Same
Do you feel compelled to download the details of every love encounter? Many of us will admit that we enjoy divulging every speck of information about our “private lives”. It can feel so natural that questioning whether it is necessary or helpful never even crosses our minds. Recently, in a Women’s Health Magazine article, a young woman talked about taking on the challenge of keeping her dating life to herself. Inspired while watching a show with her roommate, she decided it was time to take a break from her tell-all attitude.
It was a journey with many ups and downs, but in the end, she found a plethora of advantages to keeping her love life private. Not only did she no longer felt the need to make excuses when things happened to not work out, but she also found herself learning new things about the people around her and about herself. Little changes, like continuing to workout instead of texting friends the second she was asked on a date or allowing her coworker to tell their dating tale without looking for the moment to relate her own story, allowed her the chance to see things differently. She even found herself in a conversation that initiated a new opportunity at work and another that brought clarity about forgiveness and letting go.
With all of the advantages, why not try something similar in your own life? If you often find yourself to be set on over-share mode, maybe it is a time that you too look at changing that pattern of behavior. The drive to confide every part of, what is loosely termed, your private life can have many negative consequences emotionally and practically.
You can feel an extra heap of embarrassment when a date goes wrong or when your excitement over a date prompts you to tell everyone how amazing he is, but then days go by and there is no callback. In these situations, adding the emotional stress of worrying what others will think can prompt you to exaggerate or lie to cover up your perceived disgrace. It could also make you want to avoid your friends and hide-out till you think they have forgotten about your last conversation. Deception and avoidance lead to in genuine relationships and hinder true connection. Conversely, focusing on other things than dating and learning to be real with your friends can lead to new discoveries about your friends and yourself.
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When you accept the challenge of walking away from the dating “conversational crutch”, as the women in the article called it, you will be pushed to look for new topics to hash out with your friends. This can take your friendships deeper and wider in a way you have never experienced before. Also, I have discovered that when I stop listening to others with the intent to find the perfect entrance for my story or opinion, I begin to truly get to know others and find a deeper compassion and understanding for my friends and coworkers.
Truly seeing the people around you and taking away the self-focus that we all tend to drift toward, is essential in having a healthy emotional perspective. This shift can help us to move past the tendency to over-analyze or compare our lives and into a place where we learn and benefit from the differences and successes of those around us. That is the beginning of substantial personal development.
But when should we talk about our dating lives? In the article, the woman mentions the safety in letting someone know where you are going and who you will be meeting. In this case, there should be someone that you tell the important details, but that does not mean you have to tell all.
There are also times that you need to talk about our relationship progress to get advice and gain insight into a problem you encounter. In these situations, you should take the time to think about what kind of advice you need and who, in your circle, could best give that advice. Or, if you just need a listening ear, as we all do at times, be sure that the ear you find, is a trustworthy friend that you can be honest with, even if it is embarrassing. Knowing whether to be closed or open in any given situation is a journey we all must take but it is well worth it.
