5 Pieces Of Marriage Advice That You Definitely Shouldn’t Follow
No marriage is “perfect,” and everybody could use a little helpful advice now and then. However, a lot of the most common marriage advice is not very helpful; in many cases, it’s downright wrong. Here are some pieces of marriage advice that you should definitely take worth a grain of salt.
1. Spend your money how you want.
Marriage is a partnership, and while you shouldn’t let your spouse boss you around when it comes to financial decisions, your relationship can strain under financial stress. For example, not having an “emergency fund” for unexpected events, accidents, and other scenarios can lead to some very stressful situations. A wife buying a blouse from a clearance rack, or a husband getting a few beers with his friends is one thing, but not your partner about a major purchase is quite another.
2. Always listen to your mother-in-law.
While your mother-in-law raised your husband and knows him very well, when it comes to issues in your marriage, it is important to stand your ground and maintain your own set of values. As an article from Psychology Today put it, “…know your own values, and live according to them, people’s pointed remarks don’t sting nearly as much, and strangely, they often back off.”
3. If you’re that unhappy, leave your marriage.
Part of being an adult is learning to cope with occasional unhappiness. You’ve heard the expression about how the grass is always greener on the other side, right? That’s how it goes with divorce as well it may look like the solution, but it can be ugly, messy, and expensive. Even worse are the negative effects divorce can have on your children, some of which are detailed in this study from North Carolina University.
4. Never go to bed angry.
Sometimes a marriage can feel like a pressure cooker. Couples fight, sometimes very intensely. The old adage is to “never go to bed angry.” However, sometimes going to bed is a great idea-one that can help you avoid saying something you’ll regret. This advice is also naive because it implies that every issue that a couple faces can be solved in a single night.
A better tip for resolving conflict comes from Cornell University’s Legacy Project. “In your next argument…stop and ask: “Who cares more about this? …if possible, let that person have his or her way.”
5. Your kids should always come first.
It’s important to put your kids first most of the time, focusing exclusively on your children can cause a marriage to deteriorate over time. Couples need time together, and both mom and dad need some alone time (or time with friends), too.
We’re not telling you to ignore the advice your trusted friends and family give you, but if you hear them say any of these 5 things, remember it’s okay to politely nod, thank them for their advice, and take a better course of action.