7 Lethal Signs Of Wounded Relationship
While all relationships experience normal ups and downs, some relationships call for further scrutiny. Do you feel that your relationship can be described as “soul-sucking,” “mind-numbing,” “life-ruining” or quickly heading in a downward direction? If you’ve been experiencing higher than normal emotional mountains and lower than normal emotional valleys, it may be time to ask yourself some questions to find out if you’re experiencing the telltale signs of a dysfunctional relationship. If you are, look for the next steps about what to do about your discovery before it’s too late.
1. Is only the other person’s happiness important?
Do you spend your time trying to keep your significant other happy, unruffled, calm, out of trouble or more? Is the other person consistently not interested in your happiness? As with most issues, relational happiness is a two-way street and it should be a goal for both individuals to feel supported, whole, capable and hopeful.
2. Is he avoiding me?
When people love each other, there’s a mutual connectedness. If you are beginning to avoid being in each others’ presence, chances are, there are deeper issues involved such as untruthfulness, confusion, neediness and more.
3. Is there a cycle of jealousy and control?
A normal relationship still experiences hurts, jealousy and control issues. Although we all wish we were magically immune, nobody is. However, a constant diet of criticism, lack of trust and jealous words and actions (such as stalking you to work or school, reading texts and e-mails, controlling all of your time, friends, clothing) often indicate more serious issues. If he is acting more like an overprotective parent than a significant other, you may need to delve further.
4. Is there passive aggression?
“Dropping hints,” or insinuating things without actually bringing an issue out in the open to discuss it is scary. Great relationships are built on open communication and loving honesty. If you or your partner can’t just sit down and have an unexplosive conversation, red flags should start flying. Passive aggression may be an issue. Often this behavior is accompanied by out-of-control anger.
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5. Does he put you down and fight dirty?
No matter what you do to please, perform or help, are you put down? Does he call you names? Does he openly criticize you in front of friends or family? Is he always making fun of you and putting you down to make himself look better? If so, you may be in a dysfunctional relationship that needs help.
6. Is your own personality left in the dust?
Are you the one constantly rearranging your attitudes, personality and even schedule and looks to revolve around him? Are all of your choices, large and small, funneled through him? If you try to act on a preference of your own, does he react negatively?
7. Is he constantly keeping score?
While we’ve all failed to replace the toilet paper roll, forgotten to unload the dishwasher or missed that accident from the dog, does your significant other keep a running tally of your faults? Is there ever any time when he is willing to forgive and forget? Is he willing to pick up the slack when you forget something of importance or even lesser importance?
Just because you’ve answered “yes” to all or most of the above questions doesn’t mean that you necessarily need to throw in the towel. Having a genuine, open conversation is usually the first step to healing in a relationship. If you need more help, seek the advice of a trusted professional counselor or pastor. After a few sessions or a few months, you may see wonderfully positive results.
If you decide that the relationship is not heading in a positive direction from that point, consider a few other last resorts before calling it quits: take a break, create emotional distance, and examine yourself as part of the emotional cycle.