You’re NOT The One If You Have To Do THESE 7 Things
Sometimes figuring out that your guy is really not the guy for you doesn’t hit you like a bolt of lightning. It is something that creeps up on you, like the post-holiday weight gain that makes your favorite jeans feel like they shrunk in the wash. You end up complaining about your jeans shrinking and you really want them to fit like they used to or the way you dreamed they would, but they don’t. Moving on is hard. But if a relationship is unhealthy, moving on is critical. Here are seven signs to consider:
1. You always hang out with his friends. If your guy doesn’t have any interest in getting to know your friends, he doesn’t have a strong interest in you. While your guy may not become immediate friends with your friends, if he is interested and respectful of you, he will take the time to get to know your friends.
2. You always have to initiate dates or things to do, and frequently he isn’t interested. If your guy only invites you over for movies and take-out, he isn’t putting any effort into getting to know you. Those ‘dates’ are structured for his convenience and actually, they aren’t really dating.
3. You changed yourself to get his attention or approval. Be honest with yourself: were you ever really a comic book fan before you found out that he was? If you have to change your interests in order to get and keep his interest, then he isn’t into who you truly are. Ask yourself, would you be in that character costume at that convention if he wasn’t around? Would he stick around if you weren’t?
4. When you hang out, you put up with jokes he makes about you like you are one of the guys. If he is treating you like one of the guys, then he sees you as one of the guys. And, if he sees you as someone he wants to date but he belittles you or makes fun of you that can be a sign of something more problematic and serious.
5. You have to drop everything for him because he regularly calls you at the last minute. This can mean a couple of things. He may only think of you casually and doesn’t feel any need to do any advance planning, or he may feel in control by causing you to rearrange your plans.
6. You have let him take over basic daily activities that you used to do for yourself because he has taken charge. Sometimes this feels like you have been swept off your feet by a knight in shining armor. But behind the romantic whirlwind is a more concerning behavior. If his romantic gestures are increasing your reliance on him, be cautious. These gestures are more controlling than romantic.
7. You find him showing up at your house unannounced or calling you frequently to find out what you are doing. If he is asking you what you are doing and who you are doing it with and gets angry with your answers, this may be tracking and monitoring.
These are seven basic signs that indicate a level of imbalance in your relationship. If the signals add up to your guy not being interested then you, it hurts. But wasting your time hurts more; recognizing he isn’t interested as early as possible gives you more opportunities to meet men who are interested in you. If the signals add up to a more serious imbalance in your relationship, it is really critical that you determine if your guy is willing to develop a balanced relationship. If he isn’t willing to make changes, then you need to make changes. Don’t continue to try and squeeze into those old jeans that don’t fit. You deserve better jeans.