Reasons People Divorce After Less Than A Year Of Marriage
We’re all a little afraid of being known. Really, truly, down-to-the-nitty-gritty-“gross”-known. Consciously, we think we’re ready for vulnerability. We crave it. But when it comes down to it, revealing our full truth to another can seem downright terrifying to our ego minds. And so we build a persona, the mask we wear as we navigate the world and our relationships in it. This persona helps us stay safe, but it doesn’t bring us fulfillment because it isn’t all of who we are.
In truth, most of us don’t even know we’re doing it. Our connection to our persona is so strong that we identify with it as our true selves, but it’s not. It’s part of us, sure, but our true self is our persona combined with that part of us that we’ve shoved deeply inside because our ego tells us it’s those parts that make us unlovable.
What does this have to do with divorce? you ask. A lot, actually.
When we look for love from the persona-level, we find people who match that part of ourselves, our surface-self. At first, it feels blissful. The other person is mirroring back to us all of the beautiful parts of ourselves and we feel truly connected. But keeping up the mask can only last so long.
Eventually, the deeper parts of ourselves crave acknowledgment and demand to be expressed. Being in an intimate relationship triggers these deeper parts of ourselves. We feel frustrated with our partner because he or she just doesn’t “get us”, and so the disconnect begins. Because we haven’t honored those deeper parts of ourselves and allowed them to be integrated into our personalities, they drive the negative patterns in our relationships and lead to a deeper sense of disconnection.
In truth, the disconnect is coming from within us. When we aren’t connected to our whole truth, we look outside of ourselves—oftentimes to a romantic partner or spouse—for completion. We begin to project that disconnection onto our spouse and blame him or her for the feeling and resentment builds.
You already have everything you need inside of you. Your true essence is love. When you navigate your relationship from this place of fullness, you are free to just love without needing the other person to act or respond in a certain way. You can also practice vulnerability because no one can take anything away from your fullness.
You can take the power back and heal our relationships by looking inside. What parts of yourself are you hiding because you think they’re shameful? What parts of your truth are you not honoring?
All parts of you are lovable, not just the pretty parts. Take a small risk and reveal these parts of yourself to your partner, one baby step at a time. Most likely you will find that you and your spouse feel closer, and you will experience the freedom that comes with being fully known.
Heather Lynn Temple, of Heather Lynn Coaching, coaches men and women to find love for their authentic self. She doesn’t teach dating tips or games; rather, she helps people see more of themselves and the roots of their patterns. Her clients take the power back and begin to create the life and relationship they want rather than living in their default. Visit her Facebook page for more information.