The Secret Truth About Interracial Dating
“… racist thought and action says far more about the person they come from than the person they are directed at.”
In this life you’re going to encounter a whole lot of stupid, and some of it will even come from yourself. When it comes to dating outside of your race, some people are still – amazingly – bigoted and ignorant about it. No matter what, you are going to encounter someone who disapproves. I’m sorry, I wish it wasn’t like that, but until it is, let positive thinking be your sword and shield.
The people who disapprove may be varied, from staring strangers to well-meaning friends who ask about your possible mixed-race children. The best way to deal with all of this is communication and boundary-setting. Your relationship comes first, everything else is secondary.
Give people the benefit of the doubt, assume they have good intentions. If you notice people noticing you and your partner, don’t assume they disapprove of your interracial coupling but rather that they are in, or were a product of, a mixed couple or maybe you’re half of a particularly attractive couple.
Think that’s too optimistic? Consider this. A black woman once commented on the popular blog, Racialicious, how she encountered an interracial couple of a white woman and black man. The reader said that the couple behaved defensively as soon as they spotted her noticing them, but passed by without incident. A few minutes later, they walked by again and were shocked to see her with her white date. They’d assumed the worst when the reality was she was not only accepting of interracial couples but part of one, herself.
Yes, there will be times people on the street are openly hostile. What’s the appropriate response? Nothing. Keep on with your day, don’t let it affect you. That’s their damage, not yours. Ignore them, even when they shout an insult. Getting into an argument with them is unlikely to change any hearts or minds and just leave you feeling emotionally exhausted and negative. Not to mention, your choice in partner is no one else’s business, let alone concern. The best thing to do when receiving what Latoya Peterson calls the “interracial hate stare,” is not give that person any of your time or concern.
Let your friends and family know you’re in an intermixed couple before introducing them. You might frown at this idea, but giving loved ones advanced notice you’re part of an interracial couple will spare everyone some time and mental adjustment. It’ll also avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings – both of yours and your partner’s.
Also, I hate to say this, but make sure you’re dating who you are for the right reasons. There are many men who have “yellow fever,” and the reality is more of an unhealthy fixation on a culture or skin color or even a fetish, than simply finding people who happen to be Asian more attractive. People like to say they’re more open-minded than they really are, some people date outside of their race for the attention or to be rebellious. I cannot tell you how many times on dating profiles I’ve seen “No Mexicans or Blacks,” like that’s a legitimate thing to say (pro-tip: it’s not). These are not good people to date and rebellion is not a good reason to date someone. Are they funny? Do you find them attractive? Do you have things in common? Are they nice and treat you well? These are the important questions to ask, not “Yeah, but what ARE you?” They’re human, get over yourself.
