Insomnia


All my life I have battled occasional bouts of insomnia. My mom tells stories of going in to check on me at night, and I would be wide awake in my crib, content and quiet, just … awake. Mom always said I would grow up to be a nurse, and I did, it was the only thing I ever wanted to be. I didn’t always work nights though, and to survive in a daylight oriented society it gets tough.

It is not always easy to get banking and shopping done when you are up all night, and getting a fasting blood test is next to impossible, the hospital flat out refused to let me do it in the afternoon, who wants to work all night with nothing to eat or drink? That is not even good for you.

I often will get caught up in a good book and be too involved to go to sleep, sometimes I have an idea I want to write down while it’s fresh, sometimes I am excited or worried, and sometimes, I just can’t sleep. I will often make a cup of tea and a piece of toast, in case I’m hungry, but all things considered, with how much I sleep since I got sick, it’s nice once in a while, of course, I pay for it later, oh well. Right now my hip is giving me too much trouble to be comfortable, I don’t think I will last much longer in a chair, but for now this is therapeutic.

The worst part is that my mind wanders so much,  I am usually too tired to do anything really productive, but I am also much too alert to sleep. I think of all the things I want to get done during the day, and then the pressure is on which makes sleep even more elusive.

I screw up word puzzles in the middle of the night, drop stitches when I crochet, hate to clean more than dishes or dust as it’s the middle of the night, often, even when I think I have a great idea to write it ends up a confused mash of what I wanted to say. I can, however, make lists. Grocery lists, stuff I need lists, books I want to read, things I need to get done, mini goals, long term goals, things like this I can do. I can also take any of those lists and prioritize them according to money, what I need right away and what can wait a week, or a month. The last time I couldn’t sleep I went through my calendar and wrote all my bills in on their due dates, then compared them to paydays, so I know what bills to pay when.

I guess my point is, when you can’t sleep, find something you can do, besides lie in bed keeping your partner up too, or in my case messing up the bed like a tornado hit it, and driving yourself crazy. Count your blessings until you think of one you can work on, it really does work. Counting my blessings does not make me tired, but it does make me mindful of them, so that I am grateful for everything I have to do, and while I am counting my blessings it reminds me of something I need to do, that I can do in the middle of the night. Hopefully, in the morning, it will make sense… love peace & hugs

 
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