Before You Say Yes: Essential Things Sexually Smart Women Should Ask Men
In certain situations, it can sometimes be easy to feel like you want to go with the flow and decide to go to bed with somebody new, but if you want to be a sexually smart woman, there are a few essential questions to get out of the way before taking things to the next level.
When you consider that there are high STD rates everywhere, it is definitely the right thing to do, asking yourself as well as your prospective sexual partner, some pretty pertinent questions that you want the right answers to.
When you start talking about taking precautions on the subject of sex, it would be generally be assumed that you are talking about methods of contraception and staying protected from the prospect of getting an STD.
There is another dimension to the subject of taking precautions. That is the question of how safe you feel in both practical and intuitive terms, with the prospect of having sex with this person.
Feeling safe is all about ticking a few important boxes.
Meeting someone new for the first time in a suitable and secure environment is definitely a good plan, until you get to know and trust them better. You also want to crowd out those hormonal responses that may be telling you that you want to go to bed with them, and at least take a few minutes to consider how secure you feel around them.
If your gut instinct is sending you some mixed signals, it could be good advice to heed that response and hold off on the sex for another time, when you feel like you know each other better.
Having that safe sex conversation
You do need to have that conversation, while you are sober and the mood hasn’t overtaken the situation.
Trying to establish your partner’s STI status is not exactly the sort of sexy chat that is going to stir up some passions, but put it this way, it is much better and entirely necessary to clarify the situation before agreeing to have sex, rather than experience some unfortunate consequences shortly afterwards.
A good way of approaching the subject would be to talk about whether you both agree to the idea of using a condom, and then move the conversation towards a bit of full and frank disclosure concerning the sort of sexual health history that needs to be out in the open.
It is also highly advisable and desirable in terms of enjoying a better sexual encounter, that you talk about what you are not comfortable with doing in the bedroom.
If you have certain no-go zones or clear preferences relating to what you don’t feel comfortable doing with your partner, it is much better to let your partner know in advance, so that there are no unfortunate misunderstandings shortly afterwards.
Setting boundaries is something every sexually smart woman should consider doing, so that they feel comfortable and enjoy a greater level of control over the situation.
Another important consideration before you say yes to sex, is to define what both of your expectations are from the encounter.
Sex is often an integral part of the relationship equation, certainly at the onset of a new new relationship, when you are exploring each other physically as well as emotionally, but it is a good idea to understand what you are both getting into and what your expectations are.
Almost regardless of whether you are just looking for a brief sexual encounter or trying to find someone to form a long-term relationship with, the key criteria here is that you both have to be honest and entirely realistic about what you expect to happen after you have been to bed together.
Defining those expectations and agreeing between yourselves that you are singing from the same sheet, can make a big difference to how the encounter goes.
What you really want
There is a chasm between having sex and actually wanting to have sex.
If you are smart and know what you want out of an encounter, ask yourself whether you really want to have sex with this person or if you are simply having sex, as there is a big difference between the two.
When you consider some of the sexual health risks as well as the emotional aspects of taking the decision to get between the sheets, it is best to know exactly what you want, and to convey that message to your potential partner.
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