How She Learned to Love Nearness Without Shame After a Bad First Experience
At the age of 13, a young girl promised to remain chaste and pure until she married the man God chose for her. She was naïve then, and all she knew about nearness was that it was for married couples. Good Christian girls should remain pure until marriage.
She met her husband in college, and although he did not believe in her vow of chastity, he respected what it meant to her. As such, the couple approached their wedding day having not done anything more than kissing. On that night, she dimmed the lights in their honeymoon suite and hid her body as best she could. She resigned herself to laying there and letting her husband do whatever it was men did. For her, that first experience was awful, especially since she did not know what to expect.
The ordeal left her huddled in the bathroom crying and her poor husband confused about what to do. On their honeymoon, her husband tried to go down on her, which made her so mad they had their first married fight. She felt disrespected because according to her, it was wrong and not something good wives did. From then on, their life when it came to getting physical basically stopped, even though their marriage progressed happily enough. On top of feeling awkward in bed and always being too nervous, her husband hated that each experience left her in tears.
During a rare moment at least six months into their marriage, she allowed her husband to touch her down there for the very first time. She felt like her body was bursting, and she can still remember the immense feeling of pleasure she experienced. For once in her life, she reached @[email protected] However, instead of feeling joy, she was mortified about having taken pleasure from her husband’s use of his fingers and mouth.
The thought that she had conducted herself in a slutty manner shamed her to the core, a sense that lingered for days. She could not even look at her husband, thinking her wanton ways ashamed him. She consequently withdrew, closed in on herself, and pushed her husband away. They later became friends, having given up on the physical affections part of their marriage.